Photo by thenewboy
When my son was born, I developed a habit of being available to him 24/7/365. I had help, but for those first few years, my sense of self diminished, and he became my primary focus. My brain became accustomed to thinking in terms of his needs instead of my own.
Now that he’s 8, I’ve weakened that habit but not eliminated it. I don’t really want to eliminate it—I’m still his mother, and he still needs me. But I need to re-establish the habit of taking care of myself.
You may not have a child, but no doubt you have some habits of thought or action that are holding the space where a habit you’d prefer to have could reside. Maybe it’s the habit of checking email instead of writing. Or allowing people to interrupt you during your creative work. Maybe it’s watching “The Today Show” instead of going for a walk in the morning.
I’ve been working to develop a regular exercise habit. Toward that end, a while back I dragged out the old, dusty NordicTrack cross-country ski machine that, back in the day, burned off 25 pounds and got me in the best shape of my life. While “skiing” one morning, I had a few epiphanies about forming habits:
1. Start with showing up.
This is the Japanese principle of kaizen or continuous improvement through small steps. Think of Lao Tzu’s quote about the journey of a thousand miles beginning with a single step.
When you’re first trying to form a new habit, keep your expectations of yourself low and simply have the goal to show up and do something.
If your resistance is very strong, even contemplating taking action can be the first step. To develop the exercise habit, I started by saying I only needed to be active for 1 minute. For creative habits, it may mean simply going to your work space and calling that success.
2. Assume and accept a long beginning process.
Things take time. You’ve probably heard that habits take 21 days to take hold…or 30…or 90. Who knows? This is another area in which to keep your expectations low.
Plan on fighting the resistance for a long time, knowing that each time you show up, you’re one day closer to having a strong habit in place.
3. Recognize the predictable process of getting into flow.
For me, it takes 10-15 minutes to get out of the transition phase and into that blissful place where my mind loses track of time and I’m just doing it, without resistance.
Obviously, on days when your goal is simply to show up, you may not get this far, but over time, you’ll keep going long enough to hit what Seth Godin calls “the dip,” that time when you feel like quitting. This is NOT the time to quit, because soon you’ll be out the other side and into flow.
4. To get through that initial period, you may need to perform some mental sleight of hand.
This might mean making it fun by playing music, turning it into a game, or doing it with a friend.
For me with exercise, I tell myself, “Just 5 more minutes,” or 2 minutes, or 1. Again, keep your expectations low enough that it feels doable. If you can keep goading yourself along, before long, you’ll get to the flow point.
5. Repeat your new habit as often as possible, but don’t beat yourself up when you miss a day.
Instead, give yourself credit for what you’ve done. Honor the fact that your resistance is strong and will need continual shaping before it skulks off. Acknowledge that you are facing a genuine challenge but also that you are capable of developing beneficial habits. Then try again the next day.
Your Turn
Please scroll down to share your experiences in the comments.
What new habits would you like to form?
How have you successfully created habits in the past?
Have you experienced the benefits of lowering expectations?
What role does resistance play in your creative work?
Develop a Creative Habit
One of the key elements successful writers, visual and performing artists, musicians and entrepreneurs have in place is a creative habit. By showing up regularly for your muse, even for just 5 minutes a day, you’ll be amazed at how much you’ll accomplish and how much more easily ideas will begin to flow. For regular servings of fun, 5-minute creativity prompts, subscribe to Creative Juice.
Great reminder Sue! It’s what my self-care focus this month is all about – returning to habits that feel good and nourish us, mind-body-spirit.
Sandi Amorim recently posted..Just for Today
The habit I got out of was sticking to my master plan, I don’t mind going off piste, but my downfall was coming back to it regularly enough to keep me focussed on where I was going. I’m now gently reminding myself to look at my plan twice each day and am even considering adding more detail (I’m a big picture person, it doesn’t sit well!) in order that it creates the end result I want!
Jackie Walker recently posted..8 reasons relationships are like going to the dentists
Twitter: jackiewalker
I can see how adding more detail to your plan could really help. That’s the S of Steps in my 5 S’s for blasting through creative blocks. I’m just like you when I have the big picture but haven’t broken it down; I drift. I’ll be interested to hear how that works for you if you decide to do that.
Sue Mitchell recently posted..The 5 S’s: Magic Bullets for Blasting Through Creative Blocks
Twitter: Sue_Mitchell
Hi Sue,
I am new to your site.
Thank your this effective ways to help us with forming good habits. Good habits tend to require more efforts to form because they require lots of initial hard work. Bad habits on the other hand form easily because the barrier to entry is often enticing.
To your five steps here, I would like to add the element of motivation. When we want certain good habits, there is a reason for it. For example, a good habit of exercise will ensure that vitality is present for you to do many other things. Before even embarking on habit forming it is crucial for us think for a big why to the things we want to do. This big why will sustain our efforts and give us the edge by reminding us of our noble goals.
BTW, my wife is exactly like you those years ago. In her desire to care for out two tods, she has completely forgetten about herself. I must use what you said to help her change her habits again.
Jimmy recently posted..What has Steve Scott got to say About Blogging?
Yes, you’re absolutely right, Jimmy. We have to understand at a deep level why we’re trying to change our ways. Any time I start something new, I actually journal about why I’m doing it. I’m not even going to try to overcome the inertia if I might be indecisive about whether I really even care about the outcome. Way too much trouble for something I’m not committed to! That is the foundation of the whole thing, so thanks for your reminder, I may edit this post to include that. Huge oversight!
So glad you stopped by, Jimmy. I hope you’ll visit again soon!
Twitter: Sue_Mitchell
I think that developing a new habit is basically a mind process. If you believe that you have to develop this habit and if you have strong reasons to do it nothing can stop you, the rest steps will come without problems.
I agree completely that it’s a mind process, but even when we have strong reasons for developing the new habit, resistance and self-sabotage can easily set in. I’d love to hear more about how you get into the mental state where nothing will stop you and the rest comes without problems.
Sue Mitchell recently posted..When Was the Last Time You Danced in the Rain?
Twitter: Sue_Mitchell
I’m awful at sticking with new habits! For exercise I do as you do, I play little tricks…one more song, another ‘lap’…. anything that will stretch it out just a bit more.
I’m full of resolve right now and excited about it.. which is a good thing. So, I consider this a great start to getting on track and developing habits that will serve me well.
Walker Thornton recently posted..Intentional Selfishness, I’ve Earned It and So Have You
Twitter: WalkerThornton
Walker, everyone is awful about sticking with new habits! That’s why I think it’s so important to go easy with it and give it time. Our minds have to grow accustomed to the idea of change. If we try to change too quickly, resistance sets in.
Glad you’re feeling motivated now about exercise. I’m excited about my journaling and sleep plan. I’ll be sharing more about that on the blog soon. I see you’re doing the same with your blog!
Sue Mitchell recently posted..Subscribe to Creative Juice!
Twitter: Sue_Mitchell
Sue,
Great article!
This comes in handy, since I want to get back to eating healthier again.
I think that the hardest part is the beginning. Once you get past that, things get easier.
And talking about forming new habits … here is what I did when I became an early riser:
http://www.timokiander.com/new-habit/
Cheers,
Timo
Timo Kiander recently posted..One crucial thing to do before you start working
Twitter: ProductiveSd